I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
