he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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