I just made out with a guy for $7.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize