what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
