So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
