the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize