Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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