all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
two words: eviction party
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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