i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
