god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
