I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
