Betty ford says i'm here all night
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
