went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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