I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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