I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
