For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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