Define "chronic" masturbator.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
