he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize