it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
