So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
