Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize