I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
