I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize