my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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