i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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