A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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