So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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