why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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