Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
