As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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