the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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