His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let's get the cat blown out
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
