he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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