apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
