Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I will be naked everywhere
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
