Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize