it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
