Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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