I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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