I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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