So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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