we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
