Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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