just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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