That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
