At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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