laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
