handjob tips. give me some.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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