this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
