So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I still have a little drunk in my system
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
