dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
