So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
