Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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