My friends, they love my intelligence
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
