You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
