this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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