Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
