hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
