I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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