hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
