I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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