I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
