I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
