id be glad to
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize