Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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