dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
