Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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