It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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