Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
