Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
