I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
