He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
