I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
