bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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