The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
