Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
