things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
