Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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