Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
