i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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