I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
