i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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