somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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