We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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