and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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