We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize