if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
