Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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