Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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