Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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