im drinking this country out of the recession.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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