I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
