Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
