Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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