I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
