walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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