I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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