That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
