I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
