Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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