update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
