I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
