Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
